Writing Diary of a Scary Clown Assisting a Speedrunner

What should the speedrunner's name be?

  • Babigail

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Femily

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Ialey

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Meah

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Naru

    Votes: 1 25.0%

  • Qenny

    Votes: 1 25.0%

  • I don't care

    Votes: 2 50.0%

  • Other: Please specify!

    Votes: 1 25.0%

  • Dumboozle

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Fish

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Goose

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Total voters
    4
  • Poll closed .
Ih8Lewis4ever

Ih8Lewis4ever

Farmer
Ok, here goes nothing,

Chapter the I:

My name is Scary Clown and I am tired of working for Joja. Hell is better than this! I have an email saying a farmer who got rich in a month by selling iridium quality starfruit wine has hired me to be her farmhand. So I ride get this bus that takes me to Stardew Valley where that weird "farmer" lives. I pass through a desert completely filled with kegs on my way to that valley.
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It's something that would be normal for the dimension I come from, not Earth! I arrive at the farm. It is filled with barns and ponds, mostly. I see a greenhouse, a bunch of junimos working for free, a giant farmhouse and a sight saying: "I beat perfection in Summer Year 1 using perfection waivers!!" No idea what that means... I approach the multi-trillionare farmer and she points an axe at me...
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WanderingWendaline

WanderingWendaline

Farmer
Hmmm... A few suggestions
Goose
Mia
Jubilant
Dumfoozle
I chose slightly dumb names on purpose, but if you want something more serious I can do those too.
Oh, also fish. Or just any fish related name
Or turbo. Because speed
 
Ih8Lewis4ever

Ih8Lewis4ever

Farmer
The winner is...
Qenny!

Chapter II:

So apparently she was just chopping down a tree. It was I weird tree, too. I could feel magic coming out of it. I ask her "Yoooooooooo, what's your name?" She says, "Qenny Bobothy McLynx the 153rd." I swear, she says for me to shut up and get to work. "Those ancient fruit wines won't harvest themselves!" After harvesting the wine and putting them in these weird barells in her basement, I take a good look at her.
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She has black freckles on her legs, not going to ask about that... Green hair looks interesting, but who I am I to say that I have red hair. Blue eyes, weird shoes and a very puffy dress, probably from the 1800s. A see a giant pillar.
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When I touch it, I seem to be teleported to a tropical island. I chat with an old woman
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and make friends with her. We talk and talk and talk. It's getting late. Neither of us care. "Oh my watch says 2:00 am! Oh well, who really cares anyway." I say as I pass out...
 
Ih8Lewis4ever

Ih8Lewis4ever

Farmer
Chapter III:

I wake up in an island but. Hmmm, seems like this is Qenny's vacation home. I run outside and see the woman, Birdie is her name. We talk for a few hours but then I meet someone. A special someone. When we both look at each other, we fall in love. Love at first sight. She is a slime. She is following the lastest trends in woman's clothing because she has gorgeous tiger stripes. We start talking. I see Qenny is here now. She is collecting crops like mad. Age spots my love life. She rushes over. With a few strikes of her overpowered sword, she murders my darling. She never even got to tell me her name! I was furious. "Qenny!" I hollered, at the top of my lungs. "What the bloody hell did you just do!" She looks embarrassed, the goes off to a volcano to kill more innocent slimes. I take a walk around the island. I find this resort. There, I see something that scarred for life. A living, breathing hunk of raw chicken.
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The foggy glasses just worsen things up, too...
 
WanderingWendaline

WanderingWendaline

Farmer
Ih8Lewis4ever said:
There, I see something that scarred for life. A living, breathing hunk of raw chicken.
Click to expand...
Lollll
The first time I saw Harvey's beach sprite I genuinely did not recognize him 😭 😭 I was like "What... Uhhm, What is this? A tourist? A thing? A creature?" So I clicked on The Mystery Sprite, only for Harvey's face to appear and say "I'll let you in on a little secret... I can only swim with floaties."
Imagine my utter shock

Ih8Lewis4ever said:
With a few strikes of her overpowered sword, she murders my darling. She never even got to tell me her name!
Click to expand...
R.I.P. Tiger Slime :flower::rip::flower: 😔

Ih8Lewis4ever said:
She looks embarrassed, the goes off to a volcano to kill more innocent slimes.
Click to expand...
And also R.I.P. Tiger Slime's extended family :flower::rip: :flower::rip: :flower::rip:
 
Cuddlebug

Cuddlebug

Farmer
Ih8Lewis4ever said:
There, I see something that scarred for life. A living, breathing hunk of raw chicken.
1773543679554.png
The foggy glasses just worsen things up, too...
Click to expand...
Yeah, seeing a pale-as-cheese Harvey for the first time can be a real eye-opener 🫣😄 And I always thought Sebby was the pale one, but at least he’s wearing a T-shirt... The other elder white men aren't that much better, kinda like a Mozzarella -Gang 😇
 
Ih8Lewis4ever

Ih8Lewis4ever

Farmer
Chapter IV:

I am sick of going to so many funerals. I went to my crush's funeral in a secluded clearing in the jungle on the east side of the island, and then Qenny came and murdered all the guests except the mole with sunglasses, a kid named Leo, the parrots, a giant toad and the Yoban priest. I guess Qenny supports Yobanism. She has The Ring of Yoba on her, after all. Now the beings she didn't kill had to attend all the funerals for each of the beings she did kill. We thought of doing a mass funeral for everyone, but that is just disrespectful to the max. I told the mayor about this and he said, "It's fine, creepo. Those were heartless, brainless monsters. In fact, she should be rewarded for making the resort safe."
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In my opinion, he is the heartless, brainless monster. I released a slingshot loaded with gold ore. He looks happy and attempts to grab the gold ore. He then complains, "What was that for?" "For being a jerk", I reply but he is gone to collect taxes from the lonely blacksmith, Clint, who definitely doesn't deserve that. "Poor Clint", I say, accidentally in the ear of Pam. She looks mildly annoyed. She keeps walking. I head to the bench near the Community Centre to sit down.
 
Ih8Lewis4ever

Ih8Lewis4ever

Farmer
Chapter Qi:

I sense a new eager soul has come. He goes by the name of "Scary Clown". He senses me. I can sense it. I can also sense that he senses me sending him. I can also sense that he can sense me sending him sensing him. Hmmm... What do do with this new apprentice to my extrodonadary farmer. What indeed...
 
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