Stardew Luna diary#1

[Yumyumgummy]

Hello everybody, this is about my character whose name is Luna and I’m hoping everybody will enjoy! i’m gonna be able to delete the story, but I will say that a new updated and fixed version of this story is out IF YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT IT IS, PLEASE ASK IN THE COMMENTS


spring#1-25
I arrive in my new farm to start a new life. I was so young and naïve when my grandpa gave me that letter. I was so wilted and broken when I opened it opened it, but I found a hope Mr. Lewis, the mayor and Robin the Carpenter were very nice to me except for robin’svery very bad jokes I met all the town people and immediately I fell in love with three people Sam Shane and Alex I wanted it all through them at a time, but Alex was the cutest out of all of them.(what the 3look like!) I begin talking to the three every single day.
It’s about one in the morning. I went down in the lines 5 floors deeper than I did when I went in. I passed on the sixth floor I opened and when I woke up all the hard work I work that showed in my inventory. The ones I was gonna sell were gone all those materials. I even found a couple of silver next to 20 copper and there is no lost found I can recover it from my wounds head healed thankfully but yeah. When I first moved in came back the horrible years I spent that auditions how underpaid I got especially the day. My little sister died thousands of million tears spread down my cheek cheeks sit outside to work on the farm,but instead, marenie was there with a cute dog the was similar to the one I had back. The one I had back home was named old Reese. anyway. Had a dog and it’s and it looked pretty useful this time it’s name it’s bubbles. I heard like it was a Pomeranian and I don’t know some other breed, but it was like a brown Pomeranian, which I’ve never seen before bubbles with the most beautiful thing I ever saw Reese didn’t couldn’t pay a dime next to bubbles. Marine asked if I went to adopt the adorable little thing of course I said yes, right away. It was this reminds me of my brother‘s turtle which my grandpa just cooked up When I was just 10. Now, I’m 20.

summer#1-15

Every day bubbles with run around my farm, sad farm and made money off of my small small little chicken coop and blue grass. They so adoringly love. When summer bear and I was really good friends with all three of them, I decided to go pepper seeds and blueberry seed once my whole entire field was very with it. I made furnaces and so so much was finally after a whole little month of being broke and every night drinking at the salon I finally made enough money to start a farm! One day eventually expired. I noticed that his love her enough to date Alex I gave him so many things have happened after that day but the next morning after that I went out I bought whatever special at the salon as along with some beer, just in case I went down in the minds with my brand sword. I had my slingshot too. I had made it so far I unlocked two floors on the elevator it was very deeply sad… but I decided I didn’t care. I got my butt down there. I sleep bugs ghost lines of all different shapes and colors mega slimes. We just rocks those annoying little bugs that couch from lava and keep coming at you survived all of it I decided I didn’t really want to do all that fishing for the greenhouse so I will let creation takeover because I heard buzz Haley was talking to maru about if the Georgia warehouse and if you do a huge amount of money, you could get movie theater of course I didn’t even have a greenhouse yet so I was and it still for year so of course I couldn’t make that much money.
I went straight home and got on my computer. Stardew Valley didn’t particularly show up. In fact, I’m not sure if it was even floored yet except that one keeps talking with her friend Sandy and well Stardew Valley. It’s it’s a 23 hours away from the mainland of the coast the east coast of Miami that direction for 80 miles take a right for 30 left for 24 and Boom. Your there.u Or at least that’s all I remember…But that’s not important at all because I am not going back it’s like after my grandpa died lives up and down. It almost started to get to me…


it will keep going if u drop a like and tag me in the comments!

 

[Terdin]

Nice early attempt at writing. You could add line breaks in the text when switching topic or when time has passed between sentences. It would make it easier to read. Currently, it reads like listening to someone talking non-stop seemingly without needing to draw breath. But I guess you're getting the stream of consciousness vibe right.

 

[Yumyumgummy]

Nice early attempt at writing. You could add line breaks in the text when switching topic or when time has passed between sentences. It would make it easier to read. Currently, it reads like listening to someone talking non-stop seemingly without needing to draw breath. But I guess you're getting the stream of consciousness vibe right.

Thanks for the advice we’re still we’re still working on the fixed version so it’s not completely done yet. Me and my team. We’re just so excited to post this to see everybody thought.

 

[Yumyumgummy]

and remember, there’s an edited version which makes things a lot more sense

 

[Terdin]

I wanted to give you the time to do edits to the text layout instead of going to the edited version and telling you that you need to edit the text layout too, not just the spelling and grammar.

It would also be easier to keep the diary in one thread, rather than make a new thread each time. At least until it reaches novel length.

 

[Yumyumgummy]

I wanted to give you the time to do edits to the text layout instead of going to the edited version and telling you that you need to edit the text layout too, not just the spelling and grammar.

It would also be easier to keep the diary in one thread, rather than make a new thread each time. At least until it reaches novel length.

What’s a text layout? I’m young and beautiful. I’m not that old yet. I have no idea what a text layout is. and I’m afraid it’s not gonna go to novel Lake until I make a really really really long one until it goes to another one. I was just gonna pilot everything onto the fixed version that I made if we checked out my profile, my editor not my permanent editor. I still have to find that well obviously the one that works for free that I have a temporary editor.

 

[Cuddlebug]

Nice early attempt at writing. You could add line breaks in the text when switching topic or when time has passed between sentences. It would make it easier to read. Currently, it reads like listening to someone talking non-stop seemingly without needing to draw breath.

Would agree to that in a way... It just feels confusing for me, like a whole bunch of notes wanting to become a story someday... I'm somehow missing a story line, too, and rn I personally can't find a reason, why I should go on reading, you don't catch me with your first lines, if you know what I mean... Usually the first chapter makes up the room to hook up the reader and wanting him to dive in... Well, Idk how much effort you and your team have already put into that project, but I would recommend to go through it, structure it and give it a bit more background, some vague spasm of conflict maybe or whatever. And I think you have to decide whether this should just be a what-happend-in-my-game-story (would explain the diary-form) or something more just based on your game but not retelling it... There are a few examples here in this forums, too, from @Terdin (Erica on Hardship Farm), @Jayamos (Evil twin Betsy Diary) or @Gamer1234556 with his farmer Eric and not to forget about the Farmer-Bobbi- Stories from @Lew Zealand... maybe check them out and see what's possible.
I hope that wasn't to harsh now and please know, it's all about the text not you as a person, OK?

 

[Terdin]

What’s a text layout? I’m young and beautiful. I’m not that old yet. I have no idea what a text layout is. and I’m afraid it’s not gonna go to novel Lake until I make a really really really long one until it goes to another one. I was just gonna pilot everything onto the fixed version that I made if we checked out my profile, my editor not my permanent editor. I still have to find that well obviously the one that works for free that I have a temporary editor.

If you open a book, the various paragraphs on each page make the text layout. Of course, you can't do proper indentation here. Indentation is that piece of space on the first line of each paragraph. But a blank line between paragraphs or even just starting on a new line when there's a new topic or "the next day/week" would be useful.

Would you want to read a book that was just a wall of text? How long before you just zoned out and closed it?

If you sounded even close to being 18, I could tell you where to get feedback from other writers for free. But you don't sound like you're ready for that site. If you put this, even the edited version, on there, you'd probably feel it got torn to pieces even if they did their best to be constructive. Reminds me of the time I got unexpectedly detailed feedback on my first story when I was 15-16 years old. I'd expected a "yes" or "no" on whether that person liked it. Instead, they psychoanalyzed it to pieces, and I couldn't write for about a year after that. That's over 30 years ago now.

It's said that the first million words of writing stories is practice. I think you'd improve more by reading a lot, and studying how various authors shape their stories, than by getting an editor. Also books about writing and how to structure a story.

 

[Cuddlebug]

It's said that the first million words of writing stories is practice. I think you'd improve more by reading a lot, and studying how various authors shape their stories, than by getting an editor. Also books about writing and how to structure a story.

Would also agree to that. Writing is also reading reading reading... And think about the stories/books you read, try to analyse them a bit. Why do you like them? Why not? What do you like or what maybe not? And then try to repeat that in your own stories. see, if it works for you. And if not, try something else until you find your own style. It's a process and it usually takes time and needs patience. Good luck

 

[LRangerR]

I feel like Stardew forums is a good place to practice writing. You guys have been incredibly kind with your feedback, and I'll just agree that writing takes time and practice. Diary-format stories are a lot harder, because it's immediately immersive, but also if you can't get the immersive vibe of that single character quite-right, then your story won't come out as well. But give it time, and keep on practicing, in my opinion. I'm sure you and your editor can bounce feedback off of each other if you learn to work with them.

edit- oh yeah, and once you get the flow of your writing down. Grammar and run-on sentences etc and other basics, then you can practice learning on page layouts and other things like that. If you're still learning to write then it can be a lot at once.