Writing Lilan's short stories

[lilan castel]

Here I'll post my stories that come in one part.
A midnight stroll
I can't sleep! I can't! God please let me sleep! I shouted. I had a nightmare but Lilan won't let anything to scare her! I just need a walk. I opened the door of the farmhouse. I cound only hear crickets outside. I sneaked out and I decided to go to the forest. I went through town and the lights were off. How efficent I thought. I went to the snoring monster's place and I heard her snorings. Wow! She is still that monster even in the regular timeline! I decided to go to the secret woods. I love this place. I entered to the woods and I sat on a stump. Then I saw something strange. Old master Cannoli woke up. I saw birds. They flew away to the space behind the statue. I went to there and I saw a path that leads to a deeper area of the woods. I walked this path and I saw junimos. I thought after I finished the community center I would never see them again. I missed them. Ok I'm in the spirit world. And I thought I saw everything including alternate timelines! Then the path dissapeared. I can't go back. The spirit world is a beautiful place with many trees and flowers. I see spirits of animals, Demons as well as junimos. There are no buildings, No roads and all of the light is in the sky. There are white by the way. But no human spirits. If I'm here I just want to talk with grandpa. He will be proud! But where can I find him. I just need to get to the info of the spirit world. I walk straight forward. Then I see a sign. The ministry of spirits. I enter and I see a spirits of a cashier. I ask her how can I find a specific spirit and she types the name of that spirit in her device. Looks like dwarven tech. She says that spirits is busy right now but I'll wait. I wait until that spirit says that grandpa can talk with me. She tries to summon him but it will take some more time. I tell her I have to go back in 6 am. She tells me now it is 12 pm. How much time I'm here? I don't know, I have to get out of this place. But then grandpa appears. I say hi. He hugs me. I missed him. I tell him about all of my adventures, friends, and my progress. He is happy. But then he asks me about mom and dad and I tell him the truth. I don't what happened to them. I had to disown them. They love joja and they even sent me to a shrunk to fix me because I hate joja. I don't want to see them again. I'm sorry. Actually he forgives me. He understand me. I thought he would lecture me about the importance of family but no. But of course there is a catch. The spirit of the cashier is changeing shape. Something bad is about to happen. I see more and more spirits. They also changing shapes into joja workers. It is my worst nightmare. Everyone is brainwashed, I'm in a problem, I'm afraid. I'm so sorry. Grandpa dissapeared. I have no one. I try to clip myself and I feel the pain. I'm not dreaming. I run away. Straight forward. I see more and more spirits changing shapes. But not Junimos. I run to the exit and I close the path. I'm in the secret woods again. It is 3 pm now. I'll go home
The end

 

[lilan castel]

Jas and the books
Sort of prolouge: Tom of other timeline did the joja path again. This time everyone is in the town exclude Sam and Sebastian because they moved out for logical reasons. go to this thead and see what happened to the school because of Tom. Now we can start.
Story:
Jas wandered in the ranch. She had nothing to do. It was summer and the night. She waited for Marnie to come back. Shane commited suidice in the last winter. Jas knew what happened. There was no funreal. They just had to get by. Marnie had to work in jojamart because joja forced them to close the ranch. They took all of the animals exclude a few that were in Tom's farm. They had no choice. Luckily Penny allowed Jas to study freely with her and Vincent. Those days are gone Jas thought. Penny was no more. She lives in the town but she doesn't teach me anymore. Joja sent a new teacher and she is worse than everyone I knew. She thought. Now all of the textbooks are ful with their ads. Vincent however believed in them and he became sort of a joja supporter like the rest of his family Jas thought.
Marnie finally came home. She was exahusted. Jas was happy to see her! She hugged her and Marnie said that she was so happy to see Jas. Jas made dinner for both of them and they ate in silence. Jas told Marnie that she is planning to visit Penny tommorow. Marnie smiled. Then they had to sleep. Marnie had a day ful of work ahead.

Jas woke up in the next morning. She dressed up in her purple dress and Marnie of course wasn't home. No problem Jas thought. I can go freely. Jas took the keys and a flower and she went to Penny's trailer. She walked through the town and she saw Vincent. His hair wasn't messy and Jas felt uneasy, Vincent wore a blue shirt with a little joja logo on it. Jodi walked near him and she had a jacket with the joja logo. Jas got really mad. She kept going on and she saw Penny on her way to the museum. Jas ran into her and she gave her the flower. Penny was thankful. They walked together to the museom and they read together in the library. Jas decided to take an old textbook from the shelf. Jas opened it but Penny returned it to the shelf. She shushed Jas because they knew that Vincent is around. He hated that some people like Jas talked bad things about joja. Jas decided to go home. She said goodbye to Penny and she went home.

No one was home. Jas decided to read a book. "That would help me forget Vincent" she thought. Well it didn't. Jas got bored and she went to play with her dolls. But she couldn't think about anything but Vincent and joja. Then she heard a knock on the door. They were her current teacher Ms. Anne. The mean teacher. She said to Jas that from now on she will learn every day of the week except Sunday. Jas was flustered. She didn't want any more time with the new textbooks and Vincent. Anne also gave her a note from Marnie. It included a message from her that she won't come home for the next few weeks. Jas almost cried but she held back. Crying won't help. Ms. Anne walked away. Jas started crying. She missed her family so much. She just hoped they will be alright. She promised to herself. Jas decided to skip school tommorow. "I can't be there anymore" she thought. I'll just ask Penny to teach me. Then she made herself dinner and went to sleep. Then she got a phone call from Penny. She said that she doesn't feel well. So no Penny for tommorow Jas said. OK I'm done Jas shouted! I won't go to school but instead I'll learn from the nature and other people. I won't let joja to take over my life. This is for good. Jas made dinner and went to sleep.

Jas woke up in 5 am. She couldn't sleep. Then another knock on the door. Ms. Anne went to the ranch and she took Jas with her. Jas and Vincent were sent to a work camp. The plan has faild terribly. She came with Anne and they greeted Vincent with zero will. Anne took them to the bus and they walked away. Vincent tried to break the ice but Jas didn't want to talk. She just wanted to leave. After a few hours they came to the camp. Vincent was more than happy to be there while Jas thought about how to leave. They had to work for that day in gardening. Jas hated that. At the night Jas decided to run away. She sneaked from the camp but Vincent found her. He reported about her and Jas was in detention for the next day. The doors were locked and Jas couldn't escape. Then someone unlocked the front door. Vincent. His hair was messy again and he wore a red shirt. He sneaked Jas out of the camp. They walked together to a place that was far from the camp. Vincent went back to the camp and Jas went to her home. The ranch. She walked for days until she made it home. Marnie wasn't home. Jas had one final choice. Run away from joja. She took one of Marnie's dresses, water, some food and she closed the door behind her. Jas was never seen again.
The end

 

[Dr. eeL]

Sort of prolouge: Tom of other timeline did the joja path again. This time everyone is in the town exclude Sam and Sebastian because they moved out for logical reasons. go to this thead and see what happened to the school because of Tom. Now we can start.
Story:
Jas wandered in the ranch. She had nothing to do. It was summer and the night. She waited for Marnie to come back. Shane commited suidice in the last winter. Jas knew what happened. There was no funreal. They just had to get by. Marnie had to work in jojamart because joja forced them to close the ranch. They took all of the animals exclude a few that were in Tom's farm. They had no choice. Luckily Penny allowed Jas to study freely with her and Vincent. Those days are gone Jas thought. Penny was no more. She lives in the town but she doesn't teach me anymore. Joja sent a new teacher and she is worse than everyone I knew. She thought. Now all of the textbooks are ful with their ads. Vincent however believed in them and he became sort of a joja supporter like the rest of his family Jas thought.
Marnie finally came home. She was exahusted. Jas was happy to see her! She hugged her and Marnie said that she was so happy to see Jas. Jas made dinner for both of them and they ate in silence. Jas told Marnie that she is planning to visit Penny tommorow. Marnie smiled. Then they had to sleep. Marnie had a day ful of work ahead.

Dear Ms. Lilan,
Here is a slightly altered start to your story. I really read all your stories, which are full of imagination, and I simply wanted to give to you an example of how to make the English words flow.
Prologue: I continue the timeline from my previous story, which includes the character, Tom, and which utilizes the Joja storyline. All the villagers in Stardew Valley are present with the exceptions of Sam and Sebastian. To understand more about the changes to the school caused by Tom, go to the following thread.

Jas wandered about the ranch, with nothing to do. It was a warm summer night, and she waited impatiently for Marnie to come home. Her thoughts turned to Shane, who had committed suicide the previous winter. Although young, Jas was well aware of all that had happened. Sadly, there had been no money for a funeral, and since Shane's death, Marnie barely had enough money for herself and Jaz to scrape by. Under threat by Joja to foreclose on the ranch, Marnie had been forced to take a job working for JojaMart. Marnie, who loved animals dearly, had watched them one by one being taken away, and now only a few remained on Tom's farm. Initially, Penny had continued to teach Jaz and Vincent, but Joja stepped in and quickly put an end to that idea by supplying a new teacher. Compounding the rain of dark events, everything about the new teacher was either bad or worse, and Jaz could only dream about happier times with Penny. Even the textbooks were riddled with Joja advertisements. The pervasive reach of Joja seemed to extend even as far as Vincent and his family, who now openly became supporters.

Finally, much too late at night, an exhausted Marnie made it home. Jaz greeted her enthusiastically, and Marnie tried her best to brighten up with a smile. Jaz had put together a meager supper, which was quickly consumed. Marnie had little energy left for conversation, so Jaz broke the silence by saying that she planned to visit Penny tomorrow. All too soon, it was bedtime, as Marnie would be faced with another long grueling day tomorrow.

As you type in your stories, look closely at the words that the program underlines in red. If you right click on these words, the program will offer spelling suggestions. English sentences come in three forms, simple, compound, and complex. You should use all three forms to keep your readers interested. For example, in your original story, you lead off with eight simple sentences in a row. That is way too much, as simple sentences should be used the least. In a story, they are generally found as a hidden form of an exclamation point, to stand out and catch the readers attention. Conversational English requires a rather small vocabulary, as it is accented with gestures, pauses, and volume changes, and the background is visible to all. Written English utilizes a much larger vocabulary, using words that have more precise meanings, as the author is invisible to her reader, and the background has to be filled in.