Abby's Dungeon Crawl (continuation)

[Lew Zealand]

Backstory: @Ferris Bueller posted a crazy (for me, not him) Crystalarium setup in Cindersap in the Valley Showcase section which inspired me to write about some villagers' reactions to finding it. I'm reposting to Fan Works here with a new installment (I'm trying to be good and finish writing projects) as that makes more sense. OK and it took me forever to find it there as it's not my thread.

Original Ferris post: Cindersap Machine Shop

The setting for our story:

The Dungeon Part 1
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Spring rain is always wonderfully pleasant until it overstays its welcome, Leah muses as she tosses the covers aside, listening for the pitter-pats on her cottage roof. It was always frustrating to be cooped up inside so soon after the doldrums of Winter, why can't the rain wait until Summer? Finally hearing none for the first time in a few days, Leah decides to end her exile from outdoor living and have a rummage through the forest for a fresh, if damp breakfast. Subconsciously she ignores the purplish blue colors partially penetrating her linen window coverings as she approaches the door, unlocks and opens it.

Someone stole my riverfront view.

And replaced it with an ugly blue hedgerow with diamonds floating above, further destroying the view. Well at least it's not pizzas, could you imagine the smell! Looking right and left Leah finds herself embedded in a giant maze of these machines as she wanders around the side of her house. She kicks the 2 machines shoved right up against her house in annoyance, dislodging a diamond from each. Oh I'm keeping these, Leah thinks, though it doesn't make her feel any better about what's become of her forest. Turning around, Leah sees some of the river and breathes a small sigh of relief, followed by a realization.

"You stole my breakfast!" Echoes Leah's voice through the various slot canyons between the machines.

"Did not!," answers the machines from not terribly far away.

"Great, they talk now—," Leah mumbles but then notices the machines' voice sounds a lot like... "Haley!"

"Leah is that you?" Haley calls.

"I'm by my house, where are you?"

"I see the fence, I'll be there in a bit!" Haley answers. She'd been fiddling with her camera settings while walking to Cindersap on autopilot and bonked up against a very unexpected solid blue object. Initially thinking it was Shane, she started apologizing as she looked up to find Shane had somehow gotten bigger with a diamond stuck on his face. She giggled, it's not Shane but in her mind she was thinking of that painting with the green apple in front of a guy in a hat. But instead a Diamond.

She'd been standing at the town exit holding her now-useless camera, wondering where the forest had gone and grumbling about that weirdo Wizard practicing his hedge maze designs when Leah's accusation rang out from the depths of their new urban dystopia.

Leah and Haley did not often cross paths and were never the best of friends but sometimes a common focus can bridge formerly impassable gaps.

As Haley approaches Leah, she declares, "This sucks."

Not a word I usually use, but Leah agrees. "Yeah, this sucks."

"Oh now wait," Haley brightens a bit as she looks to the southwest along the river. "That little island still has a tree on it but bleh." She deflates. "Look at that horrible background on the far side. No amount of bokeh can fix that." A pause. "Stupid Wizard."

"I dunno," counters Leah a few seconds after processing Haley's accusation. "He's not really the outdoorsy type as I've never seen him outside while foraging. Like ever. All the action with him centers around finding new ways to keep his roof from collapsing and discovering new species of load-bearing ivy."

Haley snickers, "Heehee 'load bearing' you're funny!" I think this is the most I've ever talked to Leah, Haley ponders. She seems OK.

Haley and Leah hear a funny yelp from somewhere vaguely close-by in the maze and call out but there's no reply. Looking for it's source, they head in the general direction of town, mostly retracing Haley's steps as she wasn't paying much attention on her way in and as they reach the entrance, they spy Abigail running up with…

A weapon.

And an almost wild-eyed look on her face. "Girls!" Abigail yells as she approaches, panting and out of breath. "Girls...ladies," trying to catch her breath. "Whatever, you know what I mean." Catching her breath. "Don't go in there!"

"Uh Abigail, we were just in therrrree," Haley says in a tone of being obvious and maybe approaching derogatory.

Abigail mostly ignores Haley and moves between them and the former forest (making a face behind Haley's back causing Leah to try and fail to suppress a smirk), brandishing her sword towards the rows of metal machines, declaring, "Don't enter the deep dark dungeon without some protection!" She turns back to them, "You have no idea what kinds of werewolves and imps and bugbears are lurking about!"

Haley lights up,"Oh and Wizards!"

"You get it!" Abigail rounds on Haley now, almost getting her with the sword by mistake but swings it behind her back for relative safety. Abby's eyes are alight with excitement. "His secret Final Boss Lair resides at the far end of this Endless Maze of Woe which will challenge our very beings as we bulk up our stats on the way. I wonder what kind of loot drops we'll find!"

Leah is making some bad muscle poses at the "bulk up our stats" comment but Abigail misses it in her soliloquized focus on Haley. Haley keeps a mostly straight face and follows with, "I don't need any more bulk, dieting lets me eat all the Pink Cake I want. Well, some of it. I always want more..."

Abigail deflates a bit but is undeterred. "I'm going in." She says flatly. "There will be monsters. There will be fights. There will be victory. I would like to lead a party and Sam and Seb the losers are probably not even awake yet." Haley opens her mouth at 'party' but Abigail is way ahead of her.

"A party of 3 for dungeon crawling." Abigail walks to the dungeon entrance, pointing her sword into its deep, dark unknown. She turns her head back to Leah and Haley.

"Are you with me?"

 

[Lew Zealand]

The Dungeon Part 2: Assemble your Party
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Leah and Haley glance at each other, neither sure what to do but Abigail seems to have a plan. Leah speaks first.

"Sounds interesting, like the Spirit's Eve corn maze but we make it up as we go?"

"Haven't you played RPGs before?" Abigail asks mostly in the direction of Leah. There was little chance Haley had ever done tabletop or computer gaming but maybe Leah, yeah she could have had friends into it.

"Yeah a long while ago but ah, I'm a little out of practice," admits Leah, not quite making eye contact. In reality she'd sat in and watched and mostly stayed awake but people didn't really explain well what to do. It was all too much at once. She'd felt weirdly out of control with no frame of reference, being tossed in the deep end of your imagination but not shown how to tread thought processes.

"Did you bring extra swords for us?" Haley asks, not sure what it's all about but thinking there's some sort of cosplaying as she notices Abigail is wearing a leather vest-looking thing over her dress instead of the typical denim. It seems solid-looking especially around the waist, doing no favors for Abigail's shape. "That's a new leather vest, isn't it? Leather needs to be broken in sometimes before it gets all comfy."

"It's a cuirass and yeah it's new and could be less stiff, but this is the time to break it in!," Abigail finishes on a high note. "I don't have any other swords and anyway you need training and practice to wield a sword and I have some of both. I should have way more of both but...," her face takes on a dark, annoyed visage as she looks down at the ground. "Dad."

"OK I could get a hammer or a big knife from my cottage," offers Leah brightly to break the mood. "Wait wait, my whittler's shaped like a small sword, that'll work out great!" Leah starts to walk last Abigail to get it but is held back firmly.

Abigail is all business as she looks up to Leah, "it's dangerous in there, we'll need to be cautious while seeking out your weapons cache." She looks into the vast endless warren of machines with narrowed eyes and still holding onto Leah's arm, turns back to her, saying closely, "valuables like those don't go unguarded." She lets Leah go and stands back, turning to Haley.

"And I'm not sure your camera will work as a good weapon," Abigail considers, absently pulling on an earring, "though I suppose the flash could blind onrushing serpents. No! That's defensive, we need offense. Got anything back at basecamp?"

Slightly wide-eyed and blank look from Haley, who glances to Leah looking for help. But Abigail is motivated to make this work, to mold this party into one she can proudly lead. She looks over Haley's shoulder, "back at your house, your base camp," she suggests softly. "D'you have anything that would make a good weapon?"

"Oh!" Quick Haley smile of realization. "Um..." she looks at the house as if the walls are invisible, considering its contents. "Yes, my iron! BRB!" And she rushes off to the house to exchange the camera for something more formidable in hand to hand combat.

Abigail turns to Leah, "I guess it could work as a cudgel? Bonk monsters on the head if they get too close?" She laughs with a thought, "maybe we can use the steam function as a fog bank to escape in a pinch!" She holds an invisible iron straight out, yelling, "pshsshsshsshshshshhshhshhhshhh!" waving the invisible fog machine around her.

Leah was trying to get a feel for this role playing again, not wanting to fall into that feeling of uneasiness about not understanding the "rules", if there even were any. But in a flash of inspiration realizes she could use Haley's very likely complete ignorance of this to ask more questions if needed. For Haley's benefit of course.

Haley returns quickly wearing a long leather overcoat, brandishing... not the iron Abigail was thinking of. "Oh, a curling iron." I said that out loud, didn't I? thinks Abigail. C'mon you can do better than that. "That's perfect, it's long enough to keep the giant rats at a distance." She reaches out to examine it but Haley draws it back in a snap.

"No! It's still hot, I just unplugged it!" Haley exclaims. "After running my ends through it for a few seconds." She absently fluffs the sides of her hair a bit, running her fingers through. "I always keep it at the ready 'cause you just never know, right?" Now turning directly towards Abigail. "And giant rats? Eww."

You did wha- never mind, Abigail thinks. Wait and you keep it turned on--. No stop it stop it, losing focus! "Keep hold of that pike then and the rats won't get you. And its heat should melt any gelatinous cubes we encounter." Abigail notices the faint smell of Haley's hair wafting over from the still-hot iron. I'm pretty sure pikes aren't supposed to be lightly perfumed.

"OK" Abigail starts, "I'll be the dungeon master, guiding our progress and explaining what we're up against. Seb usually does that when we play," Haley's eyebrows raise a hint, "when Sam and I are at his place and we're playing Solarion Chronicles. But finally it's my turn." I swear it looks like Haley's eyebrows went up a bit more, thinks Abigail. Stop focusing on Haley.

"Leah," Abigail addresses Leah as she starts towards the dungeon, "we need to defend you as you're weaponless--"

Leah brings up a pair of fists, "I have these and they've been tested on my Ex recently."

"Ah, ok good!" Abigail recovers quickly from the unexpected display. "That's the kind of morale that guarantees success. But you still don't have armor so you might want to stay behind us and defend from the rear in case we get flanked."

"Let's go in. Haley next to me, Leah following." They take their positions and enter the Dungeon maze, Abigail with sword drawn now, realizing that even though it's not sharp, she might need to be careful with the sword around Haley. Haley seems to be enjoying the whole thing, strapped into her leather coat, brandishing her iron more like a flashlight than anything else.

Leah is less sure but trying to take it easy. No weapon and wearing a simple crop top and pants make her less immersed than the other two but that should soon be remedied, she thinks.

A bewildered squirrel seeking any kind of tree or at least a tall wooden sculpture emerges from around a withered stump ahead on their right and Abby springs into action, "A bugbear appears with huge fangs, threatening your party! Abigail takes initiative and slashes at it for 4 damage!" Abigail swings her sword mostly in the direction of the squirrel but more mostly not in the general direction of Haley.

The squirrel is already long gone to their left having found its long lost tree. "It retreats, licking its wounds and will think twice about attacking an adventuring party again!," Abigail declares.

"This is fun! You're good at this," Haley says with wide eyes as they proceed, turning the corner to the left. "I wanna try the next one!"

"Did anyone pack adventuring rations?" Abigail asks suddenly. "A party can't travel on an empty stomach!"

"No..." answers Leah slowly, "but I just realized we can still forage for food as it's Salmonberry seaso--"

Abby cut Leah off. "There's no foraging seasons in dungeons! These are the carcasses of slain enemies we must nourish ourselves on."

"OK. More gross." Haley states flatly.

Abigail gets in Haley's face a bit and nods with a knowing grin. "Yep that's the idea, but we didn't pack anything so it's goblin entrails or nothing." She walks purposefully over to the bush, grabbed a handful of salmonberries and shoves some of them into her mouth, making a spectacle of chewing them.

They were... not great. Abby's face reflects this as Haley watches with a mixture of curiosity and fascination. And a bit of revulsion. In contrast, Leah is popping the berries into her mouth one by one, finally enjoying herself. This time of year is always a treat, she considers while munching. Goblin Entrail season, who knew?

Inspiration flashing, Abby crunches the berries, letting pieces and juice fall from her mouth down to the ground, avoiding the need to eat the rest. But not before hitting her cuirass, leaving...

Leah's eyes bug as she says through a mouthful, "Noff you'll shtain th' leather!" She loses a berry or two to the dungeon floor.

Abby flinches for a second, realizing her new cosplay outfit was getting...

Broken in with her enemies' blood. As it should be. A clean suit of armor has seen no adventuring, an embarassment to the true warrior.

"Oopth," Abby says, letting the last of the entrails fall from her mouth to her chest and the ground, leaving more stains in the leather. This cuirass is starting to look good.

Haley is subconsciously backing away from this spectacle as none of that will be touching her overcoat. She started regretting bringing it but didn't want to risk an Abby overreaction so offers, "I'll grab some for the road," and stuffs a few berries into a plastic bag she'd stashed in a coat pocket with a compact, lipstick and other necessities. Pockets are wasted if you leave them empty.

"Shall we continue?" Leah offers and starts around the corner to her front door but Abby quickly grabs her sword and leaps ahead.

"Haley, guard the rear!" Abby barks as she gestures with her sword down the narrowing dungeon hall to the east past the house. Haley hops into place, waving her iron around straightarmed. "There could be anything down that hall of darkness, Leah! We need you in one piece for the rest of this campaign."

"Ah sorry," Leah pauses for a second. "I... have pretty good night vision so it seemed mostly clear." Not a lie, she often turned off the lights to her house and went out to look at the stars at night, and was now quite used to seeing with the faint background light leaking westward from town on dark evenings. Getting used to the dark was not about somehow seeing more, rather it was trusting what you can see and familiarity with your surroundings.

"Infravision! Your special ability, you must be an Elf!" Abby cries excitedly, turning back to look at Leah, who was startled back to the present from her thoughts. "You'll need to scout once we get you outfitted. Speaking of which, can you cast the spell to open this locked dungeon room?"

They had arrived at Leah's house. With a quick incantation and using her personal set of lockpicks, Leah unlocked it but Abby quickly grabbed her hand away from the door and slowly opened it with sword drawn.

"Could be anything in there." A smile curled from the corners of Abby's mouth as she took a couple of careful steps inside, continuing, "giant rats, gelatinous cubes, decaying zombies, piles of rotting meat, ghosts of old girlfrien--"

"Alright! Enough!" Leah cut Abby off and shoved her aside to go in. "Har har, you've had your fun just don't drip any blood on my floor from those teensy mosquitoes you killed!" Haley was snorting at the whole scene but still waving her curling iron lazily about, backing into the cottage dungeon.

"OK ok." Abby agreed, assuming her all-business face again. "Gear up, you have a sword hidden in this cache somewhere." Leah was already grabbing her whittler which was barely bigger than a dagger. "Hm that's good, we can use that! A dagger or shortsword will make quick meatcubes of our enemies!"

Leah also found her leather bib apron and put it on. Abby considers their party. Looking at Leah, she commented, "that's good, the bare midriff was giving me vibes of fantasy book cover women with completely useless 'armor' that covers nothing and advertises everything."

"So instead we're 3 women in leather?" asks Haley with a smirk as she hangs her now cool iron from a belt loop on her coat.

"Leather armor." Abby emphasizes, not rising to the bait. "OK it would be better if we had chain. Or even plate but yeah not much chance of finding that just laying about in some moldy old dungeon," she finishes, looking around in vain.

Leah attempts to ignore Abby while following Haley who broke from the group to head to the kitchenette. "Like these plates?" Haley grabs 2 dinner plates from the drying rack. She looks at them and holds them out facing Abby strategically, saying, "to protect certain areas?"

Abby purses her lips, annoyance creeping in again. "Well, yes but also everywhere," Abby responds. "And not dinner plates! Usually solid metal shaped to fit."

"Oh, ok that makes sense," Haley starts, "plates looked uncomfortable, I was thinking I'd need bowls or something," she adds, turning back to replace the dishes. Behind Haley's back Abby curls her lip, tilting her head side to side and mouthing silent words in a mocking fashion while turning to Leah, who just shakes her head.

Abby takes a deep breath, clearing her head as Haley returns and they walk to the door. Her focus has slipped a bit but Leah and especially Haley don't have much experience and they do look interested. They all have weapons and armor. That is a surprisingly good start.

"OK ladies, it's time for us to kick butt." Abby announces. "More butt! We're well equipped. We can see our way ahead and can find food," nodding to Leah. "We can melt enemies from a distance with weapons or looks," nodding to Haley. "We can poke numerous holes in their pathetic hides," she tapped her sword on the floor as quarters were on the tight side for dramatic swings.

"Let's boogie!"

Abby swings the door open and they re-enter the dungeon with purpose in search of fame, wealth, and if all goes well, the evil Wizard.

 

[Lew Zealand]

The Dungeon Part 3, The Crawl Starts (Dungeon Master Abigail announcements in italics)
__________

As the adventuring trio exits the relative safety of their Weapons Cache, Abigail announces:

[Abby announcing to Leah and Haley, as Dungeon Master] The Party emerges into the surprisingly warm dungeon... [this cuirass could use some ventilation, she thinks] ...and turns west, heading deeper into the maze of uncertainty. They hear faint noises echoing towards them from a distant location ahead in the gloom as Leah attempts to discern its nature.

Abigail gestures Leah to take the lead. Glancing at Haley bit self-consciously as she walks to the head of the group, Leah asks Abigail in a whisper,

"Do I make stuff up or do you?" Please be Abby please be Abby, she mentally pleads.

"Oops, yes. Well I'll say what you see and I'll describe the monsters." Abigail turns to Haley and misses Leah's sigh of relief and general slackening of body tension. Leah didn't even realize she'd already tensed up. Abby continues, "but you two... and me! answer them or interact or swing a sword or run screaming." Abigail pauses, all business again. "Strike that! There will be no running screaming, that's for the boys."

Haley was still waving her curling iron about, not sure what this was really all about yet but willing to play along if it had the potential to be like a drama club thing. They resume walking west.

[Abby announcing to Leah and Haley, as Dungeon Master] The odd noises become louder, sounding like cracking or popping. Toc! .... Crick! ...... Poc! As the Party emerges into the dim light of a standing torch, Leah spots 2 skeletons at the far end of the clearing dong what looks like...

yoga.

Abby cautions the party to approach slowly.

Leah points to the far end of the small clearing, looking at Abigail who nods.

[Abby announcing to Leah and Haley, as Dungeon Master] Skeleton 1 says, "Really? I thought I was the only one with those. D'ya think bone spurs might work on a skeleton horse?" Skeleton 2 responds, "Already tried it, horse was ticklish so instead of going faster, all I got was tossed to the ground in a pile and stomped by a stupid giggling horse. Took my cousin 6 hours to put me back together though I think he got my left elbow backwards. Makes it easier to scratch my backbone though!" It demonstrates while Skeleton 1 raises his missing nose. "I smell..." "Worse than when alive!," interjects Skeleton 2. "Shut up Maurice!" Skeleton 1 retorts, "I smell flesh."

The 2 Skeletons straighten up and turn to the Party, each grabbing a stray bone from a pile as a makeshift club. Both are cracking their joints deliberately. That echoing sound from before. Skeleton 1 continues, "Visitors? I haven't seen visitors since I was merely a zombie." Skeleton 2 rounds on 1, "You didn't tell me you used to be more corporeal! I was boiled into this state, never had any undead flesh!" It sticks its jaw out in an unmistakable skeleton pout. "Cheater." Skeleton 1 is becoming quite annoyed, turning to 2, "Shut up Maurice! It's time to deal with these soft sacks of squishy slime." The skeletons approach the party, continuing to pop their joints: necks, fingers, elbows (1 disconcertingly backwards), knees, toes, sternum and even nosebone once or twice. Haley notices they almost seem like nervous tics instead of something threatening.

The party backs away a bit at the advance, observing. But then Abby rushes in with a sword swing, knocking the skeletons back in surprise.

Abigail runs ahead 2 steps and swings her sword but stops abruptly, turning to Leah and Haley who's eyes had been swinging between the imagined encounter spot and Abigail's description. A little embarrassed, she says,"Um, yeah I didn't bring any dice so we're just gonna have to make up what damage we do. There's all sorts of rules and buffs and nerfs but we should probably go simple and I'll figure what damage we do and take."

Haley asks, "So they're people skeletons? That's kinda creepy. The horse skeleton is weird, are there like mouse skeletons or--"

Abigail cuts her off with waving hands and an excited look, this interaction is what she wants. "Ask the skellys!" Haley's eyebrows are up, uncertain. "Ask the skeletons," Abigail encourages, announcing, "back in the Dungeon!" and gestures to Haley.

Haley opens her mouth to ask, looking at Abigail who points over to the far side of the small clearing where the imagined action is happening. Mouth still open, she turns to the Skeletons, "Eh sooo... are there any other kinds of skeletons?"

[Abby announcing to Leah and Haley, as Dungeon Master] The Skeletons are gathering themselves after Abigail's swift attack, and 2 answers, "I got a horse, maybe you overheard that bit, Miss Nosey." He sticks his finger through his nose hole a few times and Skeleton 1 follows suit. It seems almost rude.

"Abigail!" Leah says in surprise but Abby is already giggling.

Haley smirks but continues, nonplussed, "OK but do you have skeleton mice and skeleton sloths, skeleton squirrels... skeleton chickens?"

[Abby announcing to Leah and Haley, as Dungeon Master] Skeleton 1's jawbone goes slack for a second or two, flabbergasted. "That's... that's disrespectful, that is! Maurice, let 'em have it!" Both Skeletons rush the party with their bone clubs raised. Abby is ready with her sword!

Abigail again hops ahead of Haley and Leah, brandishing her Sword and after a short delay of recognition, Leah and Haley are beside her, Whittler and Iron drawn.

[Abby announcing to Leah and Haley, as Dungeon Master] The Party engages with the Skeletons and the Skellys are reduced to a clatter of bones in a few seconds. Abby takes a bone to the knee during the skirmish, Abigail makes a pop sound with her finger in her mouth, and muses that had it been an arrow, it could have ended her adventuring career forever.

The Party has survived its first major encounter. Haley's Charisma skill increases and Leah's Intelligence. Abby gains some Dexterity. Abby slowly approaches the far corner and discovers a small chest.

Haley asks, "A chest... of drawers?"

"No, like a treasure chest." Leah answers. This is something she remembers well. "It's kind of a Role Playing Game trope. You can also rifle through the bad guys' pockets too if you want to find more loot."

"Yeah I won't be touching any part of dead whatevers," Haley says with a small shudder. "You can do that. Anyway skeletons probably don't have pockets, right?"

"That's why they need the chest!" Abigail says brightly. "You're getting this down now."

[Abby announcing to Leah and Haley, as Dungeon Master] Abby checks and the chest doesn't look trapped so she opens it. Meh only a little silver, not even any gold. Skellys have few needs so aren't great hoarders. The way south seems brighter and follows an underground river so the party heads that way. The smell of the river is horrible, it's best avoided but at least the corridor is wider here and the party can see another chest under a lone tree growing on a small island in the river. The bridge is old and rickety but will probably hold one adventurer's weight at a time.

"Shall we cross the River of Fetid Decomposition," Abigail asks, "and see what's up with the Tree and it's pet chest?"

"It's not that bad--" Leah starts to defend her former river, but catches herself, "--that... far away and the bridge looks OK enough." If she pushes me in the water, this Whittler will end up-- Leah thinks, but that doesn't seem what Abby's going for. "Want to go first, Haley?" Leah offers with a sweet smile.

"That's very thoughtful," Haley ponders, "but you figured the bridge is good so you can try it out first." The smile reflected back.

Leah heads over the bridge with no shenanigans from Abigail and Haley follows. "Want to check out the chest?" Abigail calls as she starts over the bridge.

"OK," Haley responds and mimes opening the chest under the tree.

[Abby announcing to Leah and Haley, as Dungeon Master] As Haley leans over to open the suspicious chest--

"Suspicious?! You didn't say suspicious!" Haley blurts out.

[Abby announcing to Leah and Haley, as Dungeon Master] --it opens on it's own to reveal rows of sharp teeth that try to bite her hand and anything else in range.

Haley yelps, retracting her arm reflexively and jumps backwards, almost knocking Abigail over as she arrives on the now-crowded island. She's completely forgotten about her Iron which hangs limply in one hand.

[Abby announcing to Leah and Haley, as Dungeon Master] The Mimic snarls and snaps it's mouth open and shut and tries to grab anyone in the party but they're all out of range as it's stuck in place.

"Mimic!" Leah shouts, "ooo sneaky!"

"Is it a chest or a monster or what?" Haley asks, still agitated.

"In character, Haley. Ask it." Abigail suggests.

"What are you, a fake chest or a monster or what?" Haley spits out reflexively, again not sure about this whole endeavor.

[Abby announcing to Leah and Haley, as Dungeon Master] "I'm Edna," the Mimic answers, "Monsters have names too, you know. Always with a general description and never addressed by name. 'Oooooh, they all look alike' you adventurers always say. 'Look it's a Mimic, look it's a Skeleton, oh that's a Gnoll over there' but do you ever ask for a name? No!

And you wonder why monsters are so ill-tempered. We have a right to get angry about the treatment we get by you lot.

"I don't remember that other RPG going like this," Leah says with a smile. "There were fewer... conversations. With the bad things."

[Abby announcing to Leah and Haley, as Dungeon Master] "Oh! She's calling us bad things!" the Mimic is acting offended. "Can you believe it? So judgemental. I'd shake my head in dismay if I had a neck."

"You tried to bite me!" Haley retorts.

[Abby announcing to Leah and Haley, as Dungeon Master] "No. Naawwwww," the Mimic denies, "I was just... having a sniff, you smelled a whole lot less wonderfully putrid than this river I'm stuck in the middle of and I was reveling in how awful your stench was. If you taste even half as bad as you smell... well then I'd lose my lunch."

"That lunch being you of course. Oh, and your malodorous party. Bleah, could you stand about 2 steps back, I'm downwind here."

"That would put us..." Leah started, "Oh haa haa, in the river. What are you, a comedian?"

[Abby announcing to Leah and Haley, as Dungeon Master] "A connoisseur," the Mimic answers with an air of sophistication. "It would improve your aroma considerably." The Mimic sighs, an impressive sight with such a big mouth. "But maybe I lie just a little because I really want to be an investment banker. I mean I'm shaped like a chest, probably filled with gold, right? It's important to know what to do with all that wealth. Look I can share it with you if you help me out, I have gold, come grab some from my pockets."

"No, why don't you come over here," Haley offers.

[Abby announcing to Leah and Haley, as Dungeon Master] "I don't want to, I was here first!" the Mimic replies petulantly. "I haven't eaten in weeks, c'mon over and play nice." Abigail leads the party along the island's edge as they pass by the Mimic, out of range of it's wet, slimy tongue grasping at empty air.

Haley shudders, mumbling, "Gross."

Abigail, Leah, and Haley cross the second footbridge towards a wall of purple broken only by a small entrance at the bridge's end.

[Abby announcing to Leah and Haley, as Dungeon Master] The party has become accustomed to open spaces and disgusting smells, and has been lulled into a sense of security. But what lies ahead looks dark, cramped and foreboding. What could await them in the unknown on the far side of the River of Necrotic Putrescence?

Haley, "Double Gross."

Leah, to Abigail, "You're enjoying this quite a bit aren't you?"

Abigail is brandishing a huge, toothy Cheshire Cat smile below bright, glittering eyes.

 

[Lew Zealand]

The Dungeon Part 4, The Far End (Dungeon Master Abigail announcements in italics)
__________

[Abby announcing to Leah and Haley, as Dungeon Master] The remains of the disintegrating bridge terminate at the entrance to the ruins of an ancient walled fortress, now fallen into decrepitude. Maybe the river's just fine and really the stench is merely wafting north from what's left of the settlement's former inhabitants.

Haley rolls her eyes, mildly annoyed at the continuing descriptions but Leah is merely smirking. The party enters the maze formerly known as Lower Cindersap Forest.

[Abby announcing to Leah and Haley, as Dungeon Master] The party lights up a torch which injects barely more than a feeble light into the heavy gloom. It's very dark in the maze of city streets, Leah the Elf takes the lead and peers down the warren of twisting lanes for any sign on life or better: undeath. Abigail gestures to Leah to take the lead.

Not entirely getting it just yet, Leah asks, "Is there somewhere we're trying to find? Or a direction we should go?"

Abigail responds, "Well, when we pla-" she catches herself and continues with more assertiveness, "I mean the seasoned adventurer knows always to keep to the right, never to retrace their steps. You'll always find your way out."

Grateful for some direction even though it wasn't particularly definite, Leah looks both ways and announces, "I see a small clearing through the mists up ahead, we may be able to stop for refreshment." It wasn't strictly following the right wall but the endless rows of purple didn't seem to be stopping in many dead ends and she knew there should a salmonberry tree nearby.

[Abby announcing to Leah and Haley, as Dungeon Master] The party continues deeper into the ruins, finding the pitiful remains of a rare bloodberry tree attempting to grow in these inhospitable conditions. Party leader Abigail the Valorous pauses to anoint herself in the ancient traditions of noble warriors.

Abigail crushes some of the berries and draws some vaguely red lines on her face and forearms with a stained finger. Turning to Leah and Haley, she asks, "Shall I anoint you as well?"

Leah and Haley are frozen with a mix of fear and uncertainty as Abigail's style hasn't leaned particularly towards the neat side so far. OK, ever.

Haley recovers first, "You know what, Abigail the Malodorous--"

"Valorous!" Abigail corrects, cutting her off.

"Oops yes that one, there's too many of these words," Haley continues distractedly. "I'm a pro at doing makeup so how about I try it?" She sets a few leaves from the tree on the ground, crushes some berries on them with a fingertip and smears some of the red juice around her cheeks, well away from her coat. Knowing this rouge treatment isn't quite the feral look Abigail is going for, she pauses for a second with a glance up at Abby and just as she starts to protest, Haley pulls her hair back with her other hand and, dipping 3 fingers into the juice, traces 3 parallel diagonal sloping lines on each side of her forehead (well away from her expensive coat). "How's that?"

Sensing an easy out, Leah quickly says, "Looks great! Can you do mine too?" and kneels down for Haley, tucking her long bangs behind her ears. Haley applies a similar pattern to Leah's forehead and after she holds out her forearms, does the same 3-stripe pattern on each.

"OK Haley applies all party warpaint in the future to strike fear into our enemies before they suffer the steel of our blades," Abigail announces with satisfaction. Flicking the remaining berry juice from her hands as Leah and Haley dance away from her protecting their outfits, Abigail asks, "Where to, Tracker Leah?"

"I think I can see some light at the end of that tunnel," Leah indicates towards the west, back to following to the right.

[Abby announcing to Leah and Haley, as Dungeon Master] As the newly christened party leaves the holy site of the bloodberry tree, a new foe appears from a gap to the right of this endless dilapidated cityscape. It appears very slowly as it has no feet but it's so large that it blocks their way. In the dim light it almost looks like a giant block. That's strangely translucent. Tracker Leah can discern faint flickers of light passing through it. The party initially considers whether to slice their way through it or maybe just go back and find another way around when it addresses them:

"Oh!" The gelatinous cube seems startled as it jerked slightly, the following wobble taking a very long time to fade away, mesmerizing the party with it's subtle undulating movement reflecting off their torchlight. "You're not Charlie are you?" It almost looked like it leaned a bit closer and squinted, as much as a featureless square blob could do so. "Nah, you smell positive lovely which makes me want to retch. I don't suppose you have an extra familiars you need to dispense with, like a goat?"

"Familiar?" Haley responds quickly. "You'll not be getting familiar with me or anyone in this party, you ice cube or whatever. You can just climb back into that freezer." There was a pause as Abigail tried to process what Haley said and come up with something. Leah's face was covered with her hand trying not to lose it, small snorting sounds occasionally emanating from her mask.

[Abby announcing to Leah and Haley, as Dungeon Master] The gelatinous cube responds: "Ah, nooooo um, so I was looking to see if your party was traveling with any extra animals that are kept as familiars. Like a pet but with magical abilities, witches have black cats and whatnot. You look like you could have a goat."

"Oh. That makes sense." Haley pauses. "No, we don't have any." She turns to Leah and Abigail and whispers, "we don't have any do we? I don't think you said." Abigail shakes her head but continues,

[Abby announcing to Leah and Haley, as Dungeon Master] "Really, not even a single extra cloven-hoofed livestock animal? No goat? C'mon almost everyone has a pig following them around these days, just for fashion's sake." The cube sags a bit in the dim light. "Look, I need something with a high gelatin content to maintain my shiny coat and this decaying outpost is fresh out. Charlie went out ages ago to look for some and hasn't been back since."

"Yeah sorry we're totally fresh out of filthy pigs," Haley responds as she's rummaging about her leathery pockets. "All we got are these horses." To Leah's and Abigail's surprise, Haley started clop-clopping a pair of coconut halves she produced seemingly from nowhere. "We're just gonna ride these horses riiiight back the way we came." Haley turned to them explaining in a low voice, "it's my coconut top from last year's Spirit's Eve costume, I forgot I stashed it in the coat after it got too cold and I changed into a sweater." Sensing some fun, Abigail continues,

[Abby announcing to Leah and Haley, as Dungeon Master] "Horse! Horse is perfect!" The Cube answers excitedly. "They got half the toes of goats and pigs but they make up for it with those big toenails. No- no come back! You farriers can just slice some off the bottom like you're licking an ice cream cone, c'mon share some with your old pal Stu! Wait up!" The Cube fades into the darkness as the party beats a safe retreat.

Haley bustles Leah and a gleefully smiling Abigail back the way they came. They take a couple rights across from the bushes at the end of the row and head back westward, one row to the south.

"We're not doing much fighting," Leah observes, looking to the side at Abigail.

Before she can respond, Haley blurts out, "That cube thing was gross, wanting to eat animals like that!" She turns to Abigail with a piqued look on her face. "Where do you come up with these things?"

"They're all real! I mean from the manuals and stuff." Abigail protests. "But like Seb always plays it to the dice and the stats in the books and all, aaand while doing it that way is totally fun," Abigail looks to the side, not making eye contact. "I kinda figured there's other ways to do it too. Yeah OK and I forgot the dice." She pauses, gathering her thoughts as the party strolls towards the far end of the slot canyon. "The monsters are just there to be killed in so many scenarios." Her words spill out, trying to keep her thoughts together, "I dunno, it bugs me sometimes. I mean they should have friends and a life away from eating the occasional adventurer. They should talk and complain about their jobs like Mom does about Dad. They're... I mean they're kinda their own people."

"So these are the monsters doing the hard field work?" Leah asks, gesturing vaguely into the maze with an outstretched hand. "Do some of them have desk jobs? Someone's gotta do that paperwork."

"Yeah just like that!" Abigail enthuses. "It's not all ROWR, CHOMP! " She mimes a huge mouth with her arms. "They have personalities and a social life, too."

They walk in silence, finally reaching the end of the row. Haley stops, now looking down at her feet, face hidden by cascading golden hair and shadows. Leah spies the barely visible footpath across to the big island she'd been hoping would be close, just up ahead to the right.

"This is weird." Haley says, raising her head with a straight face, which then dissolves into thought. A pause, after which she turns to Abigail. "You're weird."

"So are you!" Leah and Abigail respond in unison.

A smile grows on Haley's face and she lets out a small laugh, looking over at her party members. "Yeah I guess so, huh?"