Lew Zealand
Helper
Warning, a bit of v1.5 spoilery is to follow. And maybe this should be in Fan Works, wordy as usual, sorry!
__________
Farmer Bobbi was an accomplished window shopper, mostly because she found the breadth of selection to noticeably more satisfying when there was little chance of actually affording anything. Real shopping was a drag. This is also why to marry Haley as she's taken care of that already, though early on in their relationship Haley was always evasive when Bobbi would casually wonder where the cacophony of color, style, and textures came from. There'd be some mumbling about family, usually Emily's name would get dragged about and the subject would morph into something unrelated. No matter, there were Clothes!
But as Farming life became second nature to Bobbi and more importantly: profitable, she found that after buying the necessities like an expanded Farmhouse, indoor plumbing, and the Return Sceptre, they could finally afford luxury goods like Pierre's interior Catalog and Robin's Furniture Catalog. Shopping, even for windows, was now easy and yet... lost some of its lustre.
Luckily other businesspersons of questionable backgrounds, personal styles, and hat sizes made themselves known in the Valley and after leading Bobbi hither and yon by her nose on all manner of wild goose chases, she landed on the shores of a distant isle.
Where hermountains modest mole-hills of g were useless. Apparently the local economy was nuts. Literally.
In rather a snit, our Farmer flailed about in a state of confused disarray for minutes on end, making even the local flounders embarrassed for her. Upon gathering herself back together, she set about discovering the nutty secrets of the land. S - L - O - W - L - Y. Never flush with this hard-shelled cash, she eventually found and grudgingly spent what was needed and to her utter surprise, after far greater than mere mole-hills of failures, she uncovered that same questionable businessperson hiding behind his Oz curtain in a corner of the island.
About to turn heel and skedaddle as she knew that yet again he'd just get his hooks into her curiosity, Bobbi unfortunately caught sight of a
Catalog
Her weakness. Convenient lists of wonderful things so lovely to behold that she couldn't even decide what to pick first. Mr. Business Sense mentioned only that these were secrets smuggled out of places even the Gotoros were afraid of. A likely story, probably to justify the price. OK, lemme see what nuts I still got left he--
Oh. You &$*!$#@@ Yet another captive currency. I'm poor again again?? This place...
But the lovelies were just too lovely and our Person of Business had rather a convenient list of Special Orders he needed fulfilled, in exchange for his personal play money of course. It was unclear whether these Orders served any purpose other than making Bobbi dance around like a trained monkey, throwing peanuts at her whenever she performed to the level of his amusement. Nevertheless these peanuts were the entry fee to the catalog of earthly delights. Well, maybe only farming conveniences, but they were cool!
Bobbi figured out some Orders and failed on others but then came a new one. Maybe a new one?
"Um," Bobbi said, laying a skeptical eye on Mr. Biz, "so I have a chest full of fish that sound suspiciously like the ones you mention here. How 'bout I part with those dashing fellows and you hand over the play money?"
"Ah, my dear," he drawled from behind dark sunglasses. Inside. Where its dark already. Maybe he's a snake and can only see in infrared. "You may have struggled to acquire those fish but I assure you that you haven't seen these new ones yet. How many years has it been since you caught something that was even the slightest challenge?"
Was that a backhanded compliment? Bobbi opened her mouth to answer but he cut her off, continuing, "years, of course. You've been taking it easy, lounging around that farm, making a mockery of hardworking farmers elsewhere while you arrange the land in amateurish offhand designs your middle school girl self would draw during recess."
"Hey, you!" Bobbi barked in indignation, "that's an Ostrich Racetrack, not just a random design!"
"Yet no Ostriches," he continued, coolly. "Shame, it's just a meandering path with things strewn about it, then. Were it in a... rumpus room in a house, your mother would tell you to clean up your mess."
"Now listen here--!" Bobbi started, ire rising.
"I have something befitting your apparent ego." He cut across her sharply and turned back to his list of Orders. "Here. In your absence from angling, new Legendary Fish have colonized the waters of the Ferngill Republic. Catch them before they throw the ecosystem out of balance. Your reward will be adequate, you have three days."
He turned back to his computer which looked suspiciously of a big screen TV. She wondered if that seeming burn-in at the bottom was the logo of the Remote Shopping Network. I may need to find that channel and maybe find some of this stuff for cheaper.
"That is all." He said dismissively.
"Piece of cake," Bobbi said mostly nonchalantly as she sauntered out. "Maybe I'll leave it to the last day. Y'know, to make it interesting." He probably didn't hear, but it made her feel better.
Wait. How does he know about my farm?
_____
Bobbi predictably forgot for a day and woke up early the following day with fish on the brain and decided, no foolin', were' doing this today! And found all of one Dish o' The Sea left in the fridge and no fixins for another or a Seafoam Pudding. After receiving the morning kiss from Haley, Bobbi absently asked her if she'd fed any Seafoam Pudding to the kids. The face she made was priceless. "That stuff is gross! I would never give that to anyone and I'd rather it didn't even live in the fridge. You can take that Sea Dish thing with you, I won't complain at all." Haley considered the slightly emptier fridge. "You know, there's room for cake in here now, what with my birthday coming up and all."
"Thanks for the reminder, hon," Bobbi said, smiling, "but you know that I'm going to need at least 2 more reminders and maybe a picture drawn by one of the kids on the kitchen table to remember..."
"That calendar is pinned right next to the bed, just check it every day and maybe you'll start remembering more," Haley suggested.
"Soooo..." Bobbi started with a quizzical look on her face, "does that mean I need to remember more or less things?"
"You shoo and get out of here, I have cleaning to do!" Haley admonished with a smile and pushed Bobbi towards the door in more of a hugging fashion than a shooing one.
_____
Bobbi made some Trap Bobbers, filled her pack with some coffees and let the animals out to graze before hopping on her trusty steed, Speedy. Downing coffee, she found herself perched on The Dagger at the bottom of the Cindersap Island. Downing the Dish o' the Sea, she cast and something bit quickly. An excitable fish was having absolutely none of Bobbi's protestations and quickly escaped with her bait. Apparently liking her worm cocktail, it seemed the fish was back for more and similarly made a fool of Bobbi. On the third try, he was apparently a bit more sated as a relatively short but lively argument ensued about who was going to pull who onto land or into the river, with Bobbi naturally doing most of the talking, but resulted in:
At about 10am. A good start!
Downing another coffee, it was off to the Sewers to visit Krobus but also to plumb for more ugly fish. The next one was clearly not in the mood and just gave up to the point that were there any passing octopi, they would have given themselves the world's worstfacepalm facesucker at the embarrassment of:
At a little after noon. Maybe if he'd been more excitable like that while in the water it could have been a good fight. But looking at the Sewers, Bobbi considered that she was probably doing him a favor.
Now feeling supremely confident, Bobbi popped another coffee and head for the mountains. El Legendo or whatever is mine now!
...or not. Bobbi fished until after 5pm, long after any meager effects of the Dish wore off and now it was too late to buy anything from Willy. With zero bites from Fat Boy. Giving up, she headed for the first river bridge as it was still light out and by the slanting rays of the late afternoon sun, there was an almost polite bite on her bait, followed by a lively back and forth and exchange of opinions, resulting in:
At least she was good-natured about the whole thing.
A pep back in her step, possibly due to yet more coffee, Bobbi headed for the far Docks for some Ocean air and whatever else might end up on her hook. There were a number of bites and Treasure resulting in a full Inventory and eventually someone with more spunk became interested. However he soon lost interest and found other fish to chat with. Evening getting late, he decided to return for another round but this time Bobbi's tenacity won out (or he'd had too many drinks):
Apparently got in a punchup and left with a black eye. No matter, thought Bobbi, still counts!
Moar coffees, back to the mountains, fish until 2am if I need to, just one bite!
The mountain fish were still doing their regular biting thing but just as midnight stuck, finally so did The Legend II. And strike he did, with Farmer Bobbi putting up a tremendous fight but the fish putting up more and eventually he got away. After a few choice words, Bobbi cast again and ignored the lazy fish, until the Legend came back for round 2 at 12:40am. Yet another fierce fight ensued with the L2 winning this one in an even shorter time. Not overly confident, long since dispensed with fishing buffs, but still with a usable Trap Bobber, Bobbi cast again and at 1:10am, the Legend came back for Round 3.
A very tired Bobbi fought and tried (and failed) not to think about how this would be easier tomorrow with a fishing buff or anything else but tired, sooo tired, muddy, wet, cold, bruised, slimy, smelling of the sewers, rivers, lake, and ocean, after an epically long battle of strength and will, in the wee hours of the morning... this happened:
__________
Farmer Bobbi was an accomplished window shopper, mostly because she found the breadth of selection to noticeably more satisfying when there was little chance of actually affording anything. Real shopping was a drag. This is also why to marry Haley as she's taken care of that already, though early on in their relationship Haley was always evasive when Bobbi would casually wonder where the cacophony of color, style, and textures came from. There'd be some mumbling about family, usually Emily's name would get dragged about and the subject would morph into something unrelated. No matter, there were Clothes!
But as Farming life became second nature to Bobbi and more importantly: profitable, she found that after buying the necessities like an expanded Farmhouse, indoor plumbing, and the Return Sceptre, they could finally afford luxury goods like Pierre's interior Catalog and Robin's Furniture Catalog. Shopping, even for windows, was now easy and yet... lost some of its lustre.
Luckily other businesspersons of questionable backgrounds, personal styles, and hat sizes made themselves known in the Valley and after leading Bobbi hither and yon by her nose on all manner of wild goose chases, she landed on the shores of a distant isle.
Where her
In rather a snit, our Farmer flailed about in a state of confused disarray for minutes on end, making even the local flounders embarrassed for her. Upon gathering herself back together, she set about discovering the nutty secrets of the land. S - L - O - W - L - Y. Never flush with this hard-shelled cash, she eventually found and grudgingly spent what was needed and to her utter surprise, after far greater than mere mole-hills of failures, she uncovered that same questionable businessperson hiding behind his Oz curtain in a corner of the island.
About to turn heel and skedaddle as she knew that yet again he'd just get his hooks into her curiosity, Bobbi unfortunately caught sight of a
Catalog
Her weakness. Convenient lists of wonderful things so lovely to behold that she couldn't even decide what to pick first. Mr. Business Sense mentioned only that these were secrets smuggled out of places even the Gotoros were afraid of. A likely story, probably to justify the price. OK, lemme see what nuts I still got left he--
Oh. You &$*!$#@@ Yet another captive currency. I'm poor again again?? This place...
But the lovelies were just too lovely and our Person of Business had rather a convenient list of Special Orders he needed fulfilled, in exchange for his personal play money of course. It was unclear whether these Orders served any purpose other than making Bobbi dance around like a trained monkey, throwing peanuts at her whenever she performed to the level of his amusement. Nevertheless these peanuts were the entry fee to the catalog of earthly delights. Well, maybe only farming conveniences, but they were cool!
Bobbi figured out some Orders and failed on others but then came a new one. Maybe a new one?
"Um," Bobbi said, laying a skeptical eye on Mr. Biz, "so I have a chest full of fish that sound suspiciously like the ones you mention here. How 'bout I part with those dashing fellows and you hand over the play money?"
"Ah, my dear," he drawled from behind dark sunglasses. Inside. Where its dark already. Maybe he's a snake and can only see in infrared. "You may have struggled to acquire those fish but I assure you that you haven't seen these new ones yet. How many years has it been since you caught something that was even the slightest challenge?"
Was that a backhanded compliment? Bobbi opened her mouth to answer but he cut her off, continuing, "years, of course. You've been taking it easy, lounging around that farm, making a mockery of hardworking farmers elsewhere while you arrange the land in amateurish offhand designs your middle school girl self would draw during recess."
"Hey, you!" Bobbi barked in indignation, "that's an Ostrich Racetrack, not just a random design!"
"Yet no Ostriches," he continued, coolly. "Shame, it's just a meandering path with things strewn about it, then. Were it in a... rumpus room in a house, your mother would tell you to clean up your mess."
"Now listen here--!" Bobbi started, ire rising.
"I have something befitting your apparent ego." He cut across her sharply and turned back to his list of Orders. "Here. In your absence from angling, new Legendary Fish have colonized the waters of the Ferngill Republic. Catch them before they throw the ecosystem out of balance. Your reward will be adequate, you have three days."
He turned back to his computer which looked suspiciously of a big screen TV. She wondered if that seeming burn-in at the bottom was the logo of the Remote Shopping Network. I may need to find that channel and maybe find some of this stuff for cheaper.
"That is all." He said dismissively.
"Piece of cake," Bobbi said mostly nonchalantly as she sauntered out. "Maybe I'll leave it to the last day. Y'know, to make it interesting." He probably didn't hear, but it made her feel better.
Wait. How does he know about my farm?
_____
Bobbi predictably forgot for a day and woke up early the following day with fish on the brain and decided, no foolin', were' doing this today! And found all of one Dish o' The Sea left in the fridge and no fixins for another or a Seafoam Pudding. After receiving the morning kiss from Haley, Bobbi absently asked her if she'd fed any Seafoam Pudding to the kids. The face she made was priceless. "That stuff is gross! I would never give that to anyone and I'd rather it didn't even live in the fridge. You can take that Sea Dish thing with you, I won't complain at all." Haley considered the slightly emptier fridge. "You know, there's room for cake in here now, what with my birthday coming up and all."
"Thanks for the reminder, hon," Bobbi said, smiling, "but you know that I'm going to need at least 2 more reminders and maybe a picture drawn by one of the kids on the kitchen table to remember..."
"That calendar is pinned right next to the bed, just check it every day and maybe you'll start remembering more," Haley suggested.
"Soooo..." Bobbi started with a quizzical look on her face, "does that mean I need to remember more or less things?"
"You shoo and get out of here, I have cleaning to do!" Haley admonished with a smile and pushed Bobbi towards the door in more of a hugging fashion than a shooing one.
_____
Bobbi made some Trap Bobbers, filled her pack with some coffees and let the animals out to graze before hopping on her trusty steed, Speedy. Downing coffee, she found herself perched on The Dagger at the bottom of the Cindersap Island. Downing the Dish o' the Sea, she cast and something bit quickly. An excitable fish was having absolutely none of Bobbi's protestations and quickly escaped with her bait. Apparently liking her worm cocktail, it seemed the fish was back for more and similarly made a fool of Bobbi. On the third try, he was apparently a bit more sated as a relatively short but lively argument ensued about who was going to pull who onto land or into the river, with Bobbi naturally doing most of the talking, but resulted in:
At about 10am. A good start!
Downing another coffee, it was off to the Sewers to visit Krobus but also to plumb for more ugly fish. The next one was clearly not in the mood and just gave up to the point that were there any passing octopi, they would have given themselves the world's worst
At a little after noon. Maybe if he'd been more excitable like that while in the water it could have been a good fight. But looking at the Sewers, Bobbi considered that she was probably doing him a favor.
Now feeling supremely confident, Bobbi popped another coffee and head for the mountains. El Legendo or whatever is mine now!
...or not. Bobbi fished until after 5pm, long after any meager effects of the Dish wore off and now it was too late to buy anything from Willy. With zero bites from Fat Boy. Giving up, she headed for the first river bridge as it was still light out and by the slanting rays of the late afternoon sun, there was an almost polite bite on her bait, followed by a lively back and forth and exchange of opinions, resulting in:
At least she was good-natured about the whole thing.
A pep back in her step, possibly due to yet more coffee, Bobbi headed for the far Docks for some Ocean air and whatever else might end up on her hook. There were a number of bites and Treasure resulting in a full Inventory and eventually someone with more spunk became interested. However he soon lost interest and found other fish to chat with. Evening getting late, he decided to return for another round but this time Bobbi's tenacity won out (or he'd had too many drinks):
Apparently got in a punchup and left with a black eye. No matter, thought Bobbi, still counts!
Moar coffees, back to the mountains, fish until 2am if I need to, just one bite!
The mountain fish were still doing their regular biting thing but just as midnight stuck, finally so did The Legend II. And strike he did, with Farmer Bobbi putting up a tremendous fight but the fish putting up more and eventually he got away. After a few choice words, Bobbi cast again and ignored the lazy fish, until the Legend came back for round 2 at 12:40am. Yet another fierce fight ensued with the L2 winning this one in an even shorter time. Not overly confident, long since dispensed with fishing buffs, but still with a usable Trap Bobber, Bobbi cast again and at 1:10am, the Legend came back for Round 3.
A very tired Bobbi fought and tried (and failed) not to think about how this would be easier tomorrow with a fishing buff or anything else but tired, sooo tired, muddy, wet, cold, bruised, slimy, smelling of the sewers, rivers, lake, and ocean, after an epically long battle of strength and will, in the wee hours of the morning... this happened:
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