Windows Non Stop disconnects on Coop

[stardewconnection]

we play together on the same network. both computers are wired through ethernet. I get non stop disconnects every time we play. I have whitelisted the game in bitdefender although it's running on both computers. I literally have no other network issues with any other game/streaming service device in the house. Nothing else is actively running when we play.
What else can I do. I only play because my partner wanted a relaxing game to play together and it's nothing but frustration.
Win 11

 

[panos]

i have the same problem but since i was online i thought it was a connection issue